Resolving answers to puzzling letters from disturbed familes

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Employment abroad

I want that my husband get employed abroad. He has been unable to find an employment ever since he returned home. Savings are getting depleted. I am afraid how will we make both ends meet. I sold my ornaments to arrange money so that my husband could go abroad. I feel sorry because neither ornaments nor job is in hand now. Situation gets tensed whenever I talk about ornaments. (S, Multan)

Suggestion: You will have to be careful and tolerant in this testing time. Your problem now is not ornaments but job. So, it is imperative to talk about job so that this issue could be analysed and resolved. Your husband is to decide if he can start a job in Pakistan in case he cannot go abroad. He must go otherwise given he finds an employment there. But keep in mind, it would be very painful for a husband to bear if his wife insists his going abroad.

Frustrated of life

I am much frustrated of my life. I cannot find peace in any thing. I cannot sleep well. I am associated with medical field. I am a gold medalist. All say that I am brilliant but I take their remarks as a mere display of affection. This thought is recurrant to me that I am ugly. And that is why I do not talk to other people. I have remained admitted to hospital on the account of depression. Psychiatrists advise me to take medicine which is not liked by my mother and sister. I am helpless, that is why I am writing it to you. (Ruqaiya, Gujranwala)

Suggestion: Frustration enfolds everyone in this life but when it takes roots and turns chronic, its treatment becomes binding - its intensity does not let live, otherwise. Since you have once been admitted to hospital due to depression, it is a must to take precautionary measures before the intensity returns. Take medicine regularly as advised by psychiatrist. Medication is neither food nor dressing where choice matters. It is a serious matter especially when it pertains to mental health. You must be aware of the importance of medicine since you are associated with medical field.

Decision worries

My maternal aunt is very old. Her children do not take care of her. One day when I visited her she complained me about the behaviour extended to her by all at home. I then decided that I will get her along to my home and look after her. I told everybody about my decision. I was thinking that my cousins would oppose me but to my surprise they all became happy upon listening this. Back at my home, when my husband learnt that I have decided to bring my maternal aunt along, he became angry. My husband told me that my aunt should ask her children to take care of her. And if her children turn a deaf ear, then we will talk to her children. My husband also expressed reservation that our house was too small to accommodate my old aunt. I am at the ends of my wit. Should I comply to my husband or fulfill the promise I made to aunt? (S, R, Lahore)

Suggestion: You must be knowing your husband’s disposition. Don’t go for any decision without consulting him out of your kind heartedness. Don’t share your heart to any one despite expecting good for it multiplies the probability of getting depressed. You can extend compassion to your aunt by complying your husband. You can go to her place and do her tasks but in a fashion that your domestic assignments and husband do not suffer.

Worried of habit

If someone causes me grief or discourages me, tears pop up in my eyes. Similarly, if someone encourages or appreciates me, my eyes get suffused with tears. It has been happening with me since childhood. Now I am married and father a child but it still happens with me. I am tired of this habit. (Ali, Karachi)

Suggestion: You seem to be very sensitive as well as a man lacking control over his feelings and emotions. That is why tears well up in your eyes over commonplaces. From now on, if you feel a remark hitting your heart, try diverting your attention to something else. Read good books in leisure. Increased information and capability will infuse confidence in you. You would be able to communicate well and encourage others.

Psychotic

I am in love with a girl since last fifteen years. We talk daily. And the day I could not talk to her, I take up quarrels with people. I regard such day no less than a Doomsday. I am dead confident if I could ever forget her. But she tells me we are only friends. And it is difficult for me. How can two, head over heals in love, just remain friends for the whole life? I believe that she is the one for me and she will be mine for ever even though she is married.

(Shahid, Sheikhupura)

Suggestion: You claim for a married woman that she will always be yours. It is nothing but a fool’s paradise. It could be a mental disorder as upon not talking to her your rage increases. Your tolerance is at too low a level. Live in the real world. There are many things which do not go as per choice but never does it imply to not live a normal life and let others, too. It would be catastrophic if her husband gets a smell of your ideas. Be brave and believe that maintaing any kind of relation with that women is not rightful in any dimension.